When I came across the image for this week’s post, I realized that there are two kinds of overwhelm. The first is the good kind. Being overwhelmed by something breathtakingly beautiful, like this ride through these magnificent canyons or a piece of beautiful music that transports us to another place or time.
Then there is the other kind. The kind that overwhelms our thoughts of worry and everything that we have to do. This week I caught myself in the other kind. I was staring at my computer screen trying to write when thoughts of all the stuff I had to do crept into my mind. Riding, and taking care of my horse, work, family obligations, holiday preparations, trip planning, the list goes on and on.
And as I began getting some of my thoughts down on paper, I realized that a discussion on overcoming overwhelm was really part two of my previous post on time management. A deeper dive if you will. I discovered that feeling overwhelmed is never created outside of ourselves. Overwhelm is an emotion and as an emotion, it is created by thoughts in our own head. And since we have control over our own thoughts, we can control our feelings of overwhelm.
Tips to Overcome Overwhelm
I read somewhere that “Emotions shouldn’t get the best of you. They should get the best out of you!” So here are some tips on overcoming this feeling we call overwhelm, and to use those feelings to help us identify what is really going on inside our minds and to begin to re-frame our experience to build a better life.
#1 Be Mindful of Your Language
Using words like “I have to” suggests that you don’t have a choice, and we always have a choice. “I have to do the laundry”, “I have to pick up the kids from school”, “I have to cook dinner”, “I have to exercise my horse”. The truth is we don’t have to do any of those things. We can make other arrangements if we really wanted to.
Try switching those words to “I want to” or “I get to”. “I get to go to the grocery store so I can cook a nutritious meal for my family”, “I get to go to work to I can support my family in their goals and dreams”, “I want to take care of my mother as I love her dearly”, “I want to polish the silver because I love the way it gleams”. When you stop arguing with your reality and the choices that you’ve made, you begin to take better action and to attract better things in your life.
#2 Monitor Your Thoughts
Begin to notice when you’re feeling those feelings of overwhelm. Some people use the word “tailspin”. Thoughts of uncontrollability or unpredictability are usually behind our feelings of overwhelm. Get really good at noticing what you’re thinking about when you’re having feelings because that’s why you’re feeling it! Pay attention to what you tell yourself and learn to create helpful thoughts instead.
Again, it has nothing to do with what’s happening in your outer world. Overwhelm is an internal experience being created by the thoughts in our minds.
Let’s say you have a mile-long to-do list, and all you keep thinking is “I’ll never get this done.” That’s a damaging thought that can lead to distress and anxiety and it paralyzes you from taking action.
Ask yourself, “In what ways might this thought be inaccurate, unreasonable or unhelpful?” Next, consider how you can think more realistically. Your goal here is to generate alternative thoughts that will lead to positive emotions and behavior.
For instance, revise the above overwhelming thought to these alternatives: “I may not get it all finished today, but if I work on it or if I seek assistance, I will likely get it done”. “I know I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, but if I take a break, I will feel differently about this when I return”. “It seems overwhelming to me right now, but if I break it down into smaller parts, it will be more doable.”
#3 Review Your “Shoulds”
What are you doing that you think you should do? What if you got rid of all your shoulds and you were just doing what you really wanted to do? Would that help decrease your overwhelm?
Are your shoulds showing up in your riding life? Check in with yourself and make sure that your riding is lining up with what you value and what is important to YOU. Not what your trainer, significant other or friend group thinks you should be doing.
It’s surprisingly easy to get swept up in what other people are doing only to find out that it’s not something you really care about. Is what you are doing really what you want to do? What IS important to you? Are you having fun?
Tonya Leigh of Frenchkisslife.com recommends this exercise. Start my doing a “brain dump”. Take a piece of paper and write down everything on your mind. Include all your worries and your “should dos”. Then on a separate piece of paper, draw a line down the middle so you have two columns. One one side, write “God’s List” and on the other, write “My List”. Put everything that you really have no control over on God’s list. Let Him handle it.
And then on your side, look at all of the things you think you need to do. Then decide what items you really want to do, what items you can delegate to someone else and what items really don’t have to be done at all. This practice will help you clarify what you really “want” to do and prioritize your “should dos”.
# 4 Look Out For False Predictions
This is a big one for me. It’s about expecting the worse. Waiting for the “other shoe to drop”. “Praying for the best but preparing for the worse”. This is no way to live my friends!
In our riding, this can show up as “catastrophizing”, creating false predictions on the outcomes of a particular ride or class at a horse show. It’s about allowing our minds to wander from being in the moment to thinking about the future. Losing our focus on what we are doing and thinking about things that are out of our control, like the score, the competition, or even the thoughts of the spectators.
This again has to do with our thinking. How often are you projecting into the future some nightmare of what life is going to be like if you don’t get it all done or do it right? It takes practice, but begin to notice when you are projecting into the future and bring yourself back to focus on the current moment.
Then there is this thing we call worry. Sometimes I think that if we worry hard enough about something, that somehow our worry makes it less likely to occur. The fact is that most of our worries never materialize. Put those on “God’s List.”
What are you projecting into the future that’s causing overwhelm in your life? How can you change those images and the thoughts in your mind to project a bright and beautiful future? The brain knows two things my friends, the words you speak and the images you have, so make those beautiful .
#5 Prioritize Self Care
When we are overwhelmed, our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner. This is where we let our time with our horses and our riding time slip away. This is where we postpone doctor and dental visits, visits to the hair salon, and scheduling time for exercise. We have to protect these things! They need to go on the calendar first!
If you’ve ever flown before, you are aware of the pre-flight instructions given by the flight attendants. They tell us that if the oxygen mask drops down, to put your mask on first before assisting others (even our children) with their mask. That’s because in order to assist others, you have to take care of yourself first.
So, if you’re someone who is experiencing a lot of overwhelm, your brain is going to try to convince you that you don’t have time to take care of you. Just expect that. Make this time non-negotiable.
When you start to feel good physically, you’re taking care of yourself, you’re eating well, you are clear-minded, and you have more energy. This allows you to show up better in your life and the lives of the people who matter to you.
Ask yourself, what does self-care look and feel like for me? Think about the version of you that takes exquisite care of herself. What does she do? How does she treat herself? What does her calendar look like?
Final Thoughts
Realize that being in a constant state of overwhelm and worry is not necessary to live an extraordinary life. In fact, it often is what keeps us from living the life that we want.
And so:
- Be Mindful of Your Language
- Monitor Your Thoughts
- Review Your Shoulds
- Lookout for False Predictions
- Prioritize Your Self Care
I hope you found this article helpful. If you have some other tips on how you overcome overwhelm, let us know in the comments!
Selecting the right horse is key to building confidence and minimize overwhelm when it comes to your riding. If you are planning on buying your first horse or your next dream horse, then you will want to get my free Dream Horse Buyer’s Guide. It’s full of everything you need to know to begin your search and ask the right questions to find your next equine partner. Click on the button below and get it today!
Take Care of Yourself and Enjoy the Ride!