A post on overcoming fear has been on my radar for a while. Many of my readers are beginning riders. Lots of fears emerge as we journey through the process of learning to ride, finding an instructor, finding an appropriate mount, etc. Some of us may have experienced a traumatic event like falling and getting injured or going on a wild ride with a run away horse. I have an article on Regaining Confidence After a Fall that you can also refer to.

So I wanted to talk about overcoming fear as it relates to this. However as I began to write, something else spilled onto the pages. It’s a story of my own fear. A fear I’ve been dealing with for a long time. Not the type of fear in riding my horse or fear for my safety. I have a safe horse and a good seat. Being on my horse is one place where I feel totally confident.

This is a type of psychological fear. A fear of the unknown I guess. A fear that any big change in my life would have a detrimental affect on the quality of my life.  It’s relatable, I hope, in the way that different fears and doubts creep into our lives at different phases of our life. Let me explain.

I have been working in a toxic work environment for more years than I want to admit.  Rather than take action right away and look for a different job, I continued to think that it would get better. That somehow it would change.

I thought I could wait it out and that those contributing to the environment would leave before I did. It didn’t happen.

It’s not in my nature to be confrontational and any sane person would not have put up with it this long. Every once in a while, I’ll see glimmers of change. But this only serves to give someone like me hope that I can endure it a little while longer.

In a recent podcast, I heard Brian Tracy, a motivational speaker on time management and productivity say, “You should run from a job you hate like you’re running out of a burning house!”. This little story lead me to search for answers on how to become more courageous when it comes to facing my fear of change.

4 Common Fears

 

Molly Fletcher an entrepreneur, motivational speaker and former sports agent, suggests these 4 fears as the most common that limit us:

 

 Fear of Failure

 

I’ve talked about this in some of my other articles about competing and horse shows. It’s about focusing on outcomes instead of staying in the now. We’ve all had the little voice in our head that says but what if I fail?  What if I invested my time, energy and passion into something that doesn’t work?

 

Failure can be healthy when we treat it as a learning process.  If we allow ourselves to step into something we fear, even if just a little step, and allow that experience to serve as a building block to confront more fears we can accomplish so much more.

 

Fear of Success

 

I’ve heard of this before and frankly have had a hard time wrapping my head around being fearful of succeeding. But, this is really about being fearful of the changes that being successful will bring to your life.

It can be rooted in a number of things- fear of what success will bring, fear of the additional pressure and scrutiny, fear of reaching the top and falling from it.

The fear of success makes us avoid taking risks and oftentimes keeps us “stuck” in one place. The most important way to deal with this fear is to first recognize it and then assess it roots and the potential outcomes.

Visualizing success, especially if you start out with small “successes,” can also mentally prepare us to be ready for it.

 

Fear of Vulnerability

 

Vulnerability is a scary word when it comes to matters outside of our very private lives.

According to Fletcher, “exposing your true self can be scary, but offers greater rewards. Being vulnerable allows the opportunity to connect, allows for feedback and promotes growth, and helps you better relate with the people around you.  Expressing vulnerability actually requires great strength. Don’t be afraid to admit to a mistake or hear criticism. Without getting out of your comfort zone, you can never grow.”

 

Fear of Change

 

Here it is. There is a saying that the only thing that’s constant is change.  So why is change such a scary thing?

All authentic change goes through four stages:

• Anticipation
• Regression
• Breakthrough
• Consolidation

Anticipation is the exciting stage of change where we anticipate the benefits and make our transformational plans.

Regression is when things get worse before they get better.

Breakthrough is when we finally see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

Consolidation is when we turn the benefits of change into business as usual.

The terror lies with the regression phase, and our fear is that this regressive stage will become permanent. As a result, we try to avoid the risk by looking for a change model that skips over the regressive stage.

However, this is like a cutting horse rider expecting to learn dressage without getting worse before getting better. Taking a step backwards in order to take two forward is an essential aspect of change.

When it comes to quitting a good paying job to do something different, like starting a business, we anticipate that the change will mean more fun and/or more money.

However, we must be prepared for a regressive stage where we initially make less money and have less fun than we did at our old job. Our greatest fear is that if the business fails this regressive stage will become permanent. We end up with the worst of both worlds; no job and no business.

How to Conquer Fear

 

From the article “4 Mental Tricks to Conquer Fear” author Geoffrey James suggest these four  ways of overcoming fear:

 

1.       Value Courage Over Security

 

Change is all around us every day. Inside uncertainty is where fear can take hold.  When we don’t know what’s ahead, we can easily fill our small moments with things that comfort instead of challenge us.

I’ve always valued courage and even thought of myself as a courageous person. I was an adventurous kid. Always up for a challenge. A bit of a dare devil as I’m sure all of us who like to ride horses consider themselves.  After all, we are the leader of a 1000 pound animal!

But in this type of courage, I find I’m in short supply.

In the article, James states that “Repeated surveys have shown that most people value “security” over just about everything else in their lives.” Like me, people will put up with jobs that they hate, marriages that make them miserable, toxic friends and family members and habits that are killing them simply to feel more secure.

For me it boils down to a fear of not being able to afford my horse and property. That’s a big price to pay in my mind. But is it true? Is that really what will happen?

To conquer fear, James suggests that “you must consciously dethrone “security” as the thing that you value most in your life and replace it with the active virtue of “courage.”

You must decide, once and for all, that it’s more important for you to have the courage to do what you must to succeed, rather than to cling to the things that make you feel safe.”

Is “security” so important to me that I’m willing to tolerate being truly miserable?

 

2. Differentiate Between Fear & Prudence

 

I think this is where I get hung up. I feel like just quitting is being irresponsible. This job supports not only my desires that surround owning horses, but pays the regular bills too!

Most fears are irrational and unreasonable. It’s these irrational fears that hold us back and keep us from being more successful.

However, there are other kinds of fear that are actually just simple prudence. “Prudence is a good thing. Just make sure you aren’t pretending to be prudent–when you’re just trying to avoid taking reasonable business risks, for instance, or putting yourself on the line to do what’s necessary.”

 

3.      Treat Fear as a Call to Action

 

James suggests writing down a specific plan of the exact steps that you’ll take in order to face the fear. “If what you fear is inside your control–some action that you’re afraid to take, that is–take a few moments to prepare yourself, then do the thing that’s scaring you. I mean now. Not tomorrow; not next week. Right now,  Call that person. Write that email. Create a business plan. Do it now!”

In my case, I suppose this means figure out how I should  approach making the change. What steps should I take to find a new job, then do the steps.

 

4. Re-frame Fear Into Excitement

 

Finally, tune in to the aspect of the fear that’s really fun. Let’s face it, a life without fear–and without the courage to overcome fear–would be pretty bland. It’s a life without adventure!

Think about the last time you did something that truly scared you, but you did it anyway.  You probably felt plenty of fear, but you were also having a great time.

When was the last time you were fearless?

5 Things Fearless People Do

 

In her book, “Fearless at Work” Fletcher shares ideas on how to trade fear for more productive behaviors to maximize potential. “Fearlessness is about the 1,440 minutes we have each day, and what happens when we recognize their power. It’s about the small yet intentional choices we make to create big outcomes. It’s about realizing that inside of every moment, we have a choice. And we can choose fearlessness.”

Fearless people:

 

1. Get clear on their purpose.

 

At the heart of fearless living is a sense of purpose. A clear purpose allows you to focus your time, energy, and resources to the things you feel passionate about. A strong purpose suffocates our fears and serves as our compass when we allow fear and doubt to creep in.

 

2. Demonstrate curiosity 

 

Curiosity asks the question: “what’s possible?” Where other people see obstacles, fearless people see opportunity. Imagine if we saw the world not through fear, but through curiosity instead. What possibilities would open up to us?

 

3. Take ownership of their story 

 

When we are fearless, we understand that we are our own bosses right now. Bosses of our own thoughts and actions. That means taking ownership of the story we tell ourselves. Our old story is all about but… “I would love to do that, but…” Our new story trades all those buts for who you want to be most. Fear makes excuses; fearless people make a habit of accountability.

 

4. Practice resilience

 

It’s natural for us to fear pain and failure; those are paths to strength and resilience for fearless people. They make a habit of trading short-term pain for long-term growth and view failure as just another form of feedback. Fearless people recognize that resiliency is sometimes as simple as showing up when it’s the last thing we feel like doing.

 

5. Take bold action

 

Fearless people maximize those 1440 minutes by leaning into discomfort and taking calculated risks. They know that fearlessness isn’t just a mindset; it’s about taking action. Fearlessness is being bold in the little moments life presents us each day, that lead to big outcomes. And by being bold, we inspire fearlessness in those around us.

 

Thank you for letting me indulge in this conversation with myself. I think that last point is key. It all boils down to taking action. Not being complacent. Not settling.

Perhaps you can relate or find some nuggets of truth for yourself that you can take action on.  I would love to hear your comments, stories, situations and solutions!

Listen, horse selection is key when it comes to being confident and fearless in our riding. If you are looking for your first horse or your next dream horse, then you will want to get my free Dream Horse Buyer’s Guide! It has everything you need to help you narrow your search and find that perfect equine partner! Go have great adventures together! Click on the button below and get it today!

 

Enjoy the Ride!