My computer crashed this week. I spent 4 hours at the Department of Motor Vehicles waiting to see a guy for a license renewal that took 3 minutes. My flight was 3 hours delayed, and on top of that, I’ve got some sort of mung that I probably picked up on the flight.
This was all on the same day, by the way. It reminded me of Alexander in the children’s story “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. Alexander’s solution was to move to Australia. But at the end of the day, Alexander’s mom says, “Some days are like that, even in Australia”.
We all have days like this. And as I was dealing with all of this this week, I began to think about adversity, the lessons we can learn from it and how we deal with challenges and obstacles.
3 Types of Adversity
When I think about adversity, I think there are a few different categories. There’s the type of adversity that comes into our lives that we really don’t have any control over. Things like job loss, a medical diagnosis or the loss of a loved one. This is the type of adversity that we are forced to deal with. We have no choice.
There is also the type of day to day hassles and disappointments like the ones I had this week. Things like getting stuck in traffic, getting a flat tire on the way to a horse show or bad weather that forces a change in plans. We also have little control over these things.
Then there’s the type of adversity that we actually step into. These are challenges that we can quit and walk away from. I’m putting our lives with horses in this category. That’s not to say that our horses don’t present us with challenges that can lead into the first category, for example dealing with an injury for a horse related accident, but generally, if we wanted to walk away from horse ownership or riding, we could. So this type of challenge presents us with a different type of skill, a different mindset. We are choosing to stick it out. We are choosing to overcome the challenges and the obstacles.
Success is Not a Straight Line
All of these different types of adversity have something in common. No matter how well you plan ahead, things will often not go according to plan. There will always be unexpected obstacles and setbacks along your path that will derail your efforts. Success is not a straight line. In fact, the path that gets you from where you are to your desired goal will take many twists and turns.
I heard someone recently describe life as a giant spiral staircase. It has steps going up and steps going down. When facing an obstacle or challenge, you get to choose whether you take a step up or a step down.
In my example above, the fact that my plane was delayed turned out to be a blessing because the encounter at the DMV was unexpectedly long. When I arrived at my destination, I missed all the downtown evening rush traffic. When trying to piece together my computer with a new hard drive, I discovered an email from a reader that went into my spam folder. I was able to connect with her and get her the information she had opted in for.
How do you handle adversity? I am a firm believer that life happens for us and not to us. But I haven’t always thought this way. I had to shift my way of looking at things. When it comes to the challenges that come from the third type of adversity, the type we actually choose, here are some ideas that can help you take a step up the spiral staircase when it feels like you’re spiraling down.
1. Focus on the “Why”
In order for us to continue to want to show up for challenges, we need to become acutely aware of why we are doing something. Maybe you have never really thought about this in any sort of deep way, but take a few minutes to think about why you love horses and why you want to ride. What is it about horses and riding that push you to get up in the morning to take care of your horse? Why are you spending a significant amount of time and money on your horses and your riding? What is it about them and this sport that propels you to continue? What keeps you going when things get “hard”?
This is not an easy question. I’ve been a horse lover all my life. I have what some would describe as the “horse gene”. But I’ve really never put a lot of thought into the “why”. It’s always just been. What is your “why”?
2. What Will This Teach Me?
One of the first things you learn with your riding is that the uncontrollable is always going to happen. Whether it’s the weather, an injury to your horse or to yourself, or something else, you really only have 2 options. You can take a step up the spiral staircase or a step down.
Whenever we are faced with any type of adversity, challenge or obstacle, something is blocking you from the direct path to your goal. It’s important to accept the fact that you are facing a “plot twist” or a turn in the staircase so to speak. It’s about learning how to convert turning points into learning points.
Adversity provides us with the opportunity to practice challenging ourselves in new ways. We get to practice patience, humility, courage and self discipline. We learn to become more resourceful. Adversity often presents us with opportunities we might otherwise miss. It allows us to grow, develop and learn from experience in ways that we never planned or even imagined.
3. Break it Down
When you are faced with adversity, are you allowing it to overwhelm you, or are you rising to meet it? Adversity and setbacks can become overwhelming very quickly. We can begin to feel “off balance” and unable to see things clearly. People who are successful in facing challenges ask questions like “How did I get here?” and “What caused this to happen?”. They choose curiosity over self-pity or anger.
One way to get yourself back on track is to think of this latest obstacle as a problem to be solved. By turning the situation into a problem you immediately change your mindset from one of being a victim of circumstance to being empowered to solve the problem.
Start by asking yourself these questions:
- How could I break this situation down into a problem?
- How could I present this problem in the form of a question?
- What process must I follow to solve this problem?
- What specifically do I control in this problem?
- What part should I tackle first?
- How will I tackle this part of the problem?
- What is the first action step I must take?
By answering these questions, you begin to lay down a foundation of the actions you will take to solve the problem.
4. Take Immediate Action
To overcome any obstacle, you need to fully commit to finding a way forward. Turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones. Take that first step. Approach the problem determined and motivated.
Taking some sort of action no matter how small will help you feel that you’ve gained back a bit of control. It will create a mindset where you look at adversity as something to be overcome and solved, not passively accepted. Sometimes dilemmas and obstacles are a chance to create alternative paths, to dream bigger, to push forward and take even larger leaps.
5. Find Great Teachers, Trainers and Coaches
Sometimes when dealing with horses or trying to improve our riding, we may need to seek help. Someone once said that “frustration begins where knowledge ends”. If you’re struggling and don’t seem to be making much progress, then it can be helpful to find someone who can help provide you with some guidance.
Be selective with the people you surround yourself with. Find teachers or trainers that can lead you down the right path. Sometimes a little guidance is all you need to make a breakthrough. For more information on finding a great teacher or trainer check out this article: How to Find an Exceptional Horse Trainer, Riding Instructor or Coach
6. Find Your Sense of Humor
It might seem unthinkable to find anything funny when you’re struggling from one of life’s blows. But sometimes just stepping back and seeing the humor of the situation can help lighten your mood and allow you to move forward. Humor helps you think more broadly and creatively. It is absolutely essential for the best problem solving.
Laughing is your body’s way of coping with stress, releasing tension and resetting your brain to be more positive. It’s a healthy way to build resilience, no matter how bad your situation. You may even ask your friends the question, “Can you tell me a few things that are ridiculously funny about this particular problem I am facing?” When they answer, listen for nuggets of truth and avenues for solutions and possibilities you may not have ever considered.
7. Self Care
My mother used to tell me to “get a good night’s sleep and everything will look brighter in the morning”. And in most cases, she was right.
It’s important that we take care of ourselves. And this is not always easy! We are used to taking care of everything and everybody and putting ourselves last on the priority list. But getting enough sleep, exercise, eating right and getting outside are essential to our well being and our ability to handle life’s challenges.
Conclusion
Your adversity can be a blessing in disguise. You may not think so at the moment, but it will eventually make you stronger and wiser. How do you handle life’s challenges? What is your “Why” for putting yourself out there? What are your tips for handling adversity?
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Enjoy the Ride!