I got really angry at my horse today. Has that ever happened to you? Do you ever lose your temper with your horse?
I’ve been working with my horse Lulu to become a better riding horse. Lulu is a trained cutting horse and spent most of her life mirroring cattle in a show pen. She’s never really learned to be a relaxed riding horse, especially at the lope or canter. You can learn more about Traits of an Ideal Riding Horse by clicking the link.
One of the things I’ve been working on with her is to teach her to be very soft and responsive to my aids. To that end, about 6 months ago I put away my spurs. I’ve always worn spurs. They are always on my boots and I just slip my foot into my boot when I ride. But now, my goal was to have her learn to respond with just the slightest touch of my heel or calf. I want that to happen without using my spur.
The Lesson
To that end, one of the things we’ve been working on with Lulu is to disengage her hind quarter. I noticed that I really have to use a lot of big movements with my leg in order to get her to respond. In other words, I’m basically kicking like crazy to get a response and it didn’t seem to be getting better over the last few weeks. Her feet seem to get stuck when I ask her to step her inside hind leg across the outside hind.
So, I decided to work on it from the ground. I stood next to her at the stirrup sort of facing toward her hind end I pressed on her barrel with my fingers where my heel would normally ask her to move when I was mounted. No response. I pressed harder. Nothing. Eventually I had my hand balled up in a fist pressing against her side with all my weight and might and she turns her head to look at me as if to say “Woman, what the heck are you doing?” That’s when I felt my emotions getting the best of me and I got mad.
I once heard Clinton Anderson say “frustration begins, where knowledge ends”. If this has ever happened to you and you lost your temper with your horse, first, stop beating yourself up over it. Forgive yourself for losing it.
The following tips will help you should you find yourself becoming frustrated or even angry at your horse (works with people too!).
1. Stop and Breathe
When you feel that emotion rise up in yourself, recognize it, stop, and examine it. This is about becoming aware of your thinking. What thoughts are going on in your head that are triggering your anger? Is it “I’m not good enough”? Maybe it’s “I don’t know what I’m doing.” or even “my horse hates me”. Or is it “my horse is just too stupid to learn”?
2. Is it True?
Ask yourself “are any of these thoughts true”? My guess is no. Will any of these thoughts help you make progress toward your goal? Again, I’m guessing no. My guess is that your horse is confused about what you are asking him to do and that you probably skipped a step or two in your training. In my case, I skipped a couple of really important steps.
3. Set Your Horse Up for Success
This is one of the steps I skipped. I noticed that on a couple of tries when I asked Lulu to step across, she was standing with her outside hind leg slightly ahead and close to her inside hind leg. Her weight was on her inside hind and therefore virtually impossible for her to shift her weight and step across and in front of outside hind. I needed to square her up so that she could shift her weight to the outside and step across and in front of her outside hind.
4. Go Back to What You Both Know
If you are having trouble moving forward with a new skill, go back to a skill you both know how to do. Break down the new skill to the smallest step. Since Lulu’s feet seemed to get stuck when I asked her to step across from a stand still, I knew that if I back her a few steps, which she knows how to do, then press and ask for the disengagement, that perhaps the momentum of her feet moving will enable her to step across. VIOLA. It worked! After several tries, she began to understand what I was asking, and pretty soon, she was doing it from a standstill.
5. Reward Your Horse for the Slightest Try
Practice almost never looks like the finished product. Reward your horse for the slightest try and build upon that success for progress. In my case, when I felt Lulu give in the slightest to the pressure of my fingers, I released, even though she didn’t move her feet at first. Pretty soon she understood what I was asking for and I could get her to step across with the slightest pressure of my fingers. By the end of the session, I was back in the saddle and able to move her hind end both ways with very little heel pressure.
6. Ask for Help
If you are struggling with your riding and/or training goals, or if frustration seems to be the norm when you are working with your horse, ask for help. This is supposed to be fun! And if it’s not, get some help.
7. Check Your Emotions at the Gate
This should have probably been number one. If you have had a bad day and are unable to be present with your horse, don’t attempt to try something new. Horses are very good at picking up emotion so any anxiety or negative feeling that you are experiencing will be transmitted to your horse. The best thing you could do is spend quiet time with your horse. Pet them, groom them, hug them, even read to them. Breathe them in. Allow them to just be with you. I guarantee you will feel better for it!
I hope you found these tips helpful. If I can help you clarify your goals, set up a plan to accomplish them and keep you accountable, I’d love to help. Use the Contact Form to set up a free discovery call.
Enjoy the Ride.