Do you find that you lack confidence with your horse or your riding? Would you like to ride with more confidence, but for some reason find yourself questioning your abilities? Does it seem like you are stuck and having a difficult time improving?
What’s going on may have little to do with your horse or your skill level. What may be going on might be what’s happening between your ears. Our thoughts can have a huge impact on how we show up for our horses and our riding.
Here are 6 ways our brains can get in the way of what we want to accomplish.
1. Looking To Your Past
We often tell ourselves a story of something that happened in our past as the reason why we can’t do something in our future. We often look to our past for evidence of our future. And, of course, it’s not there. Because if it was, you would already be doing what it is that you want to be doing.
If you want to be in the ribbons at a national horse show and all you do is keep thinking about when you failed at the last show, this will hold you back. The past is done. We cannot change it. But we can tell our story in a way that supports our future self. We can use it as a way to learn.
2. Being Indecisive
When we are afraid of making decisions, it keeps our lives stagnant. And the reason we are afraid of making a decision is because we believe there is a wrong decision. We believe that happiness lies in making the right decision. But, if we choose to believe that the choice between A and B is just a decision, then we can be happy with either choice.
This is where you will either win or you will learn. It’s just a decision. Each choice will present a different set of circumstances that will lead you in the direction that you want to go. And in reality, the first decision of choosing between option A or B is not the most important decision. The most important decision is deciding how you will feel after you make it.
You get to choose to be happy with the decision. You get to choose to be confident with it. And when you begin to live your life this way, you can make decisions quickly which will build momentum and which in turn will continue to build your confidence. There are no BAD decisions. You have to have the courage to take the risk. The courage to fail.
You all, I’m talking to myself here. This is huge for me. This is the one that I’m challenged with the most.
This is where you can get stuck in analysis paralysis, procrastination and perfectionism. Deciding not to decide is still a decision, but it’s one that will leave you living the same life over and over again, year after year. So if we want something different, we have to make a decision to do something different.
This isn’t to say that you should not seek guidance or counsel when you need to make a decision about something of which you are unfamiliar. For example, if you decide that you want to buy your first horse, it is wise to seek guidance in this decision from someone you trust that is knowledgeable on the subject.
3. Breaking Trust with Yourself
The definition of confidence is “a feeling of trust in ones abilities”. You can’t have confidence if you keep breaking promises to yourself. Have you noticed that you keep promises to others, but break them when it comes to things you promised yourself you would do?
This is about being someone who does what you say you’re going to do. One of the ways we set ourselves up for failure is that the promise we set for ourselves is too big for the time frame. As humans, we tend to overestimate what we can do in a year, but underestimate what we can do in 10 years.
It’s fine to have big goals and big dreams, in fact I encourage it, but you have to take baby steps. This is especially true if you’ve never done this thing before. If, for example, you have a goal of saving $10,000 this year, but you only make $30,000, you are setting yourself up for failure. But, maybe you can save $25 a week. By breaking big goals down into manageable steps, you can accomplish most anything.
4. Lack of Discipline
As people we tend to despise the word “discipline”. As children we were disciplined when we did something wrong, so we hear this word and instantly want to rebel against it, right?
But the definition of the word “discipline” is to “train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way”, so this is about establishing routines for yourself that you can rely on. Creating new habits that will support our goals and improve our lives.
I read somewhere that “the secret to success is hidden in your daily routine”. As horse owners we have routines for our horses that they count on: Feeding at 6 am, cleaning the stall, turn out time. But maybe we need to establish routines for our own self-care. Waking up a half hour earlier so we can get in some reading, or exercise, might be an example.
5. Caring About What Other People Think
So, here’s the truth. You cannot control what other people think and they are going to judge you no matter what! They are going to judge you about the discipline you chose to ride, the horse you pick, the coach you work with, the way you ride, I can go on and on.
It’s going to happen, so worrying about them is useless. I read somewhere that other people’s opinions of us are none of our business! The only thing you can control is the way you react to their judgments and what you think about them. That’s it.
Know and believe that you are enough. You are a unique individual with unique qualities, gifts and challenges. When you make your own best effort, you will be successful.
I love this bible passage that speaks to this:
“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are-no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” Matthew 5:5
6. Beating Yourself Up
“There is no happy ending to an unhappy journey” – unknown
This is about negative self-talk. This is about saying really awful things about ourselves to ourselves. And this is huge; in fact it should probably be at the top of the list.
We have got to stop being so hard on ourselves! Because here’s what happens:
- I make a mistake in the show ring
- My thought is, “I’m so stupid, how could I have missed that marker?”
- This causes me to feel defeated (and I’m still riding in the show ring!)
- Because I’m already feeling defeated, I miss another marker
- Result is I get a low score.
Compare that to this alternate scenario:
- I make a mistake in the show ring by missing a marker
- My thought is “this ride is going really well, I’ll improve my focus”
- This thought causes me to feel determined to finish the ride well
- Because I’m determined to finish the ride well, I don’t miss any more markers
- Result is I get a better score
Can you see how our thoughts can become a self- fulfilling prophecy?
One of the techniques I like to use when I catch myself saying negative things about my self is to finish the sentence with “… and that’s just the way I want it!” For example, “I’m so fat, and that’s just the way I want it!” This comment sort of jars my thinking back to what is really true about me.
Treating yourself with kindness will allow everything else to fall into place.
Conclusion
Using the comments section, tell us what are confident actions will you take with your horse or riding in the next year? Which of these 6 barriers do you find most challenging?
- Looking to your past. Telling yourself a story that you can’t do something because of something that occurred in the past.
- Being indecisive. Using procrastination or perfectionism to keep you from starting or finishing a goal.
- Breaking Trust with Yourself. Not keeping promises you’ve made to yourself.
- Lack of Discipline. Failing to set up systems and routines that will support what you want to accomplish.
- Caring about the judgement of others. Focusing on what other’s think rather than following your own path.
- Negative Self-Talk. Beating yourself up over mistakes and other imperfections of your riding or your life.
I hope you found this article helpful and that you will let us know how it may have helped you! Check out other confidence building articles: 7 Secrets to Riding with Confidence. And How to Regain Confidence After a Fall.
Horse selection is key to building confidence and creating a safe and fun experience! If you are in search of your first or next dream horse, you will want to get my free Dream Horse Buyer’s Guide. It contains everything you need to know about narrowing your search to purchase your next equine partner. Get it today!
Enjoy the Ride!